Grief can be a thief and a liar.
This time of year can be challenging for a lot of people.
It’s a time when we miss the ones we love the most.
It can be challenging not to have them here, and we turn to different vices to forget the pain of losing them.
I have used my platform for many things, but most of all, mental health and self-care. And that looks different for everyone.
I am no stranger to grief and loss, and I have lost a lot of people I love the most over my lifetime.
I see grief as a way of the people we love the most being needed by God elsewhere.
Sometimes, we have no reason why they are gone and have no way of knowing the WHY.
And having to know the WHY of why they are not here can be overwhelming.
This morning, God woke me up with a thought: Bring the gift of your loss to the world. How have you been able to lose the people who mean the most to you, and what gift have they left you in this world to continue without them?
From now to Christmas day, I will post each day someone special to me who is no longer here on earth and the gifts they have given me even through death.
My intention is to give you 25 gifts this holiday season that will help you with your loss, grief, and journey.
Day one, the patron of the Graham Family.
Donald Arthur Graham was Born on May 5th.
He was known to me as Grandpa Graham. He started working at a very, very young age. He had a tough life; he was given away at birth to an aunt and uncle to raise because his birth parents were only 16 years old. He was given to his birth mother's sister to raise until age 13, when he was old enough to work in the family convenience store in Leamington, ON. This store is still open, and the Graham family no longer owns it.
He met the love of his life, Elizabeth Almas, in Wallaceburg, ON. They got married and had five kids, my dad being the oldest.
He was a motorcycle gang leader; he even designed the crest of his group, and I am pretty sure that was the attraction for my grandma, lol. Hold up before you judge. They were just a group of guys on bikes who thought it was cool. No harm was ever done! Lol
My grandfather worked for Hiram Walker’s from age 16 until his retirement. Yes, he lied about his age to get in, but they didn’t find out until later. He was almost fired, but they decided to keep him. He was part of the duplicating and printing department. He also worked as a bartender at the Kingsville tavern.
My grandfather ensured his wife and kids ate first, and he got his if there was anything to eat afterward. My dad can remember that some nights, all his dad had was coffee and a cigarette. But his family was always taken care of.
My grandfather started his own printing business in the basement of their home. It was the old type, where you cranked the machine with metal plates dipped in ink to print whatever you wanted. He did this more after his retirement.
My grandfather was a past president of the Kingsville Legion. He was very involved with his legion and, I would like to think, made a huge difference. This would also be where he took us grandkids when we came to town and were of age to drink. Hence, he got my nickname, Glow Worm. You could always tell that when Grandpa was at the legion, his face was beet red.
My grandparents lived in Kingsville, Ontario, all their married life. Their stories of block parties and fun can still be remembered today. They were married for over 50 years.
My gifts of being UNSTOPPABLE and an OVERCOMER are partly due to this man.
My grandfather may have had a hard life, and he may have made an example of my father being the oldest to help with his four siblings, but his love for his family shined through everything he did. He lost his middle son to suicide, which almost destroyed him. To the outside world, you would never know that, but he was never the same after that event.
As a grandchild, I witnessed that love. For me, it was hard to see the hard ass my dad sometimes remembered. My grandfather had to work a lot, so he expected my dad to help my grandma at home. Dad, being the oldest, knew to toe the line, or he was made the example. Today I am sure it would have been called child abuse; back then, it was do as your told or fricken else!
From my grandpa the gifts I received from him are:
Work hard and take care of your family.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and don’t stop.
Life may be challenging, but keep pressing through.
Love deeply no matter what, and forgive those who have hurt you.
His entrepreneur spirts.
Acts of service to others and live a life of service.
Have fun at all times.
Being the family's black sheep is not all bad, but don’t worry about what others think of you.
Beat to your drum and not someone else’s.
Losing someone by suicide can and will change you, but never let it destroy you.
Marriage is for life, till death do you part.
What have I learned from his loss?
He has been gone for over 21 years, and losing him was like losing a huge chunk of our family. He was the brick that held us all together. Each year, it gets different.
I remember the good times. As the oldest, I had him the longest, so I have the most memories, all of which are good.
I learned that even in death, he is always with me. His memories will live with me forever, and we get to create new ones with our loved ones and use some of the traditions we had as kids with our own families.
I choose to take his legacy and weave it into my own.
He may not be here on earth, but will not be forgotten. I choose to live for him and with him in me.
Friends loss is inevitable, it's how we choose to life after they are gone that makes the difference. We can choose to live for them.
Grief is okay; it means we have loved. Be kind to yourself in these moments and allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself not to be OK. If you are spiralling and can't escape it, contact someone.
If you are having thoughts of suicide, call 9-8-8.
When I find myself in a funk because the thoughts of them not being here are overwhelming, I go for a walk. I choose a movement to get me out of my headspace.
I listen to music, watch a good movie, or listen to stories of people who have been through the same thing.
If you are up for that, please visit our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@unstoppableovercomers1508/streams, subscribe and share with your friends.
Either way, I would love to hear from you and discuss your favourite holiday tradition with the person who means the most to you.
Till then, remember to be UNSTOPPABLE in all that you do.
With love and gratitude,
Dorothy
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